Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

This was the fourth book we read in the R&R book club. The person who picked the book posted a lot of discussion questions and that's how we handled it that month. The questions I picked and my answers:

1. Do you sympathize with Olive Kitteridge as a character?

I found Olive to be a difficult character to like and it's hard to sympathize with someone you don't like. I found her to be overbearing and mean in the first story and it was only gradually that I was able to feel any sympathy at all for her. In the very last story I liked her a teeny bit. I was very surprised by the sensitivity and compassion she showed in some of the stories. I wasn't sure I believed it but apparently it was part of her nature. Appearances *can* be deceiving!

5. Why does Henry tolerate Olive as much as he does, catering to her, agreeing with her, staying even-keeled when she rants and raves? Is there anyone that you tolerate despite their sometimes overbearing behavior? If so, why?

He gave in way too much to her, in my opinion. That's the way some people are, though. They always put the needs of the ones they love first. No one's going to agree all the time in any relationship and usually one or the other will give in or compromise somehow. I don't think it's particularly healthy for one person to be giving all the time and the other to be taking/controlling all the time and that's the way Henry-Olive's marriage seemed to work. Neither one was totally happy with the arrangment. :P As for me, sometimes I tolerate my DH's overbearing behavior because I love him and because he *is* trying to be more flexible. He's become less rigid in the 7 years we've been married.

7. Does it seem fitting to you that Olive would not respond while others ridiculed her body and her choice of clothing at Christopher and Suzanne’s wedding?

Olive's response does seem fitting to me because it's what I would have done. I have overheard other people making fun of me because of my appearance. I've been terribly hurt but too proud to be confrontational about it. I don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me.

14. Was Christopher justified in his fight with Olive in “Security”? Did he kick her out, or did she voluntarily leave? Do you think he and Ann are cruel to Olive?

I don't know for sure if Christopher was justified in what he said to Olive because I haven't seen them together often. The few times I have, however, I did get the feeling that Olive was a controlling presence in his life. Until he said so, I didn't know that her mood swings affected him. I think that he has very real mixed feelings about his mother and his feelings definitely needed to be expressed. I wouldn't say he kicked her out. She said she wanted to go. She may not have realized it but I believe she said she wanted to leave to make him feel guilty. This time, he didn't play into her hands. I absolutely do not think he and Ann were cruel to Olive.

A short answer to #15, which is a follow-up: I do believe Olive is completely oblivious to the impression she makes on others. I believe she was truly shocked by what her son said to her. She probably doesn't realize how much her former students feared her and would be surprised by that too. She would be equally shocked to know that she did make Henry miserable many times.

22. Apart from the hostage-taking, Olive Kitteridge refers to many violent or traumatic events in the lives of its characters or their friends or relatives – suicide, divorce, infidelity, miscarriages, death by drowning, a major stroke, a fatal hunting accident. Books can seem oppressive when painful events pile up, or so dark you can’t finish them. If you read all of Olive Kitteridge, how did Strout keep you reading? Why didn’t the book seem oppressive? Did it?

I'll be perfectly honest here: I kept reading because I felt committed to it. I really enjoy the R&R Book Club. If I'd picked up the book to read on the own, I wouldn't have finished it. I really did find it to be very dark and depressing.